RepetitionWhat's the point of a heart?That it beats with all of its might within your ribs, pounding at your lungs until you can't breathe? That it stops every time something bothers the weakly firing neurons up past the rivers of your veins?What does it pump through your weary limbs but the icy cold blood that's trudging from your broken valves? They weep and sigh and cut themselves off in a tragic mobius twist. And without an end, what purpose does that familiar slamming and throbbing have?Just to remind you that it's there, one would think.Or maybe the point of the heart is to bleed what it receives. To keep the fluid flowing. Just to keep t
GraduationSomewhere along Twenty-Third, I lost my way. The pressures of success and meeting the expectations of those around me weighed heavily upon my shoulders. Bent beneath the weight of my own thoughts and heavy emotions, I stumbled over a multitude of doubts and fears that littered the path before me. What were once only bothersome pebbles beneath my shoes suddenly grew to the size of giant boulders blocking my path. Nevertheless, I pressed on. Through sheer force of will, I shoved my doubts aside and hurdled my fears, intent on reaching my goal. At the time, I really did believe I was striving towards something significant, almost insurmountable
I apologize...Dear Friend of a Friend,I don't like the way I feel about you.When ever they say your name, wheneverr I see your photograph... My head burns up and my ears go red.I can't stand you. This anger towards you is poison. Your smirk, the shirt with your name embroidered onto the front. You know you're better than I am.Money makes it so.Money before talent.Money before kindness.Money before personality.Money before work.Oh, let me applaud you, great high one.I don't know why you hated me.I know what you mocked me about, but that's it.Accusation one: Big chin. Too big to get over it apparently.Accusation two: Disgusting arms. Coming from
Testing GravityHe leaned back in his chair looking at her standing behind him. Two chair legs came off the ground, "careful if you fall I won't catch you" she said."Yes you will""No I won't" He tilted the chair back further, smiling and looking her in the eyes as the chair slipped on the grass and he let gravity take over. She reached her arms out and slid under him to break his fall.He beamed at her, "See, told you.""Asshole..."
Interprequy - The Confidence BreakerI sit, stare, silence my superior. The hand that fed knowledge is now the hand of oppression, judgement. The slim, slender and tender finger runs a blemishing trail over my glory.Strike me with suppression.The finger weighs the sword of cold blood. A strike. X marks the spot of error. Strike. X marks the spot of failure, but not of treasure. Strike. My invisible self burns. Why do you continue the torture? Strike. The hand that fed contradicts itself.Mark me with a letter, a number.The sword carves into the pure white. Blood blemishes its purity. A symbol of failure is born from the hellish tip. A symbol, a letter, a number defines me
NightmaresThere is an unrelenting plague upon my fragile mind; a fear of the dark and the obscure secrets it conceals. The consuming shadows whisper empty promises, beckoning to my weary consciousness with their malignant tongues. I challenge the coercing temptations of my damnable hallucinations, keeping them at bay with pure inhuman will. Their words are enticing, laced with venomous needles to prick my subconscious thoughts; awaiting the moment that I succumb to their luring poison. With deliberate purpose, they attack my tender psyche and leave behind the toxic sting of their ruthless attacks. I am at the mercy of their double-edged swords; lost wi
Choose Your Name“John Brant,” I whispered, and a dashing British gentleman appeared in my mind, arrogant and suave as the slim-fitting Italian suit he wore. He sounded classy, not overly pompous. But there was just something about him. He could be the cool confident charmer I was looking for. But he could just as well be a stiff stocky soldier with his pride shoved far up his ass.“John Chase,” The name rolled smoothly off my tongue. Another man took form, both the same and different from the first. He was just as charming, perhaps a little lower in class with a bolder tongue. And was that a little mischief I saw in his eyes? Undoubt
Interprequy - One dayOne day, one night. Upon when the third eye noiselessly speaks, it alleviates our invisible barrier of inadequacy; the physical barrier of intolerance and the emotional barrier of conscious withdrawal.Upon when the invulnerable, indiscernible herald of one’s inner self bears witness to the cousins of inspiration, light shall spout. Whence darkness is but a pawn; whence light is but your stimulant, allow it to be your parallel’s fuel to drive a mighty sea of innovation through bodiless aspiration.Upon when the unseen, the unthinkable, and the uncatchable sickness congregates at your feet, see to it with your cousins and emancip
SuicideI don't want it.I just wish,that everyone will stop saying,"It's my fault""It's all my fault".How come they're telling me that?Dont you know,it's already eating me up inside?Do you not think I got no clue?I have a brain.I have a mind.I CAN THINK FOR MYSELF.I can think for myself.And when my mind is finally clear,I finally understand.It's all your fault.You guys are pushing me in a corner.You guys are leaving me without anywhere to go.It's tough.It hurts.It's not your fault!!I know this,I really do,but why?Why can't I stop?Why am I blaming you?Why is it when I turn to you guys,my chest hurts so much.When I smi
Let Me InHands are cold, numb, blackened from the force of my own blows, pounding against the silence. Silence that has been stitched shut from years of cutting, being opened and bleeding out, of pain but never understanding why. The doors are locked, and there is no key. They can only be opened from inside.I look to you, but you won’t meet my eyes.I’m not scared. Can’t you see there is nothing inside that would frighten me?They say that time heals all wounds. I know this to be a lie, we both know that. Time just makes us stop thinking about the pain; it wraps our memories in scar tissue and pretends everything is better now.
That FeelingIt's the strangest feeling.sadmadbadhurtstop all in oneI want to dream (iwanttosleepforever) No one can wake me up and ruin my peaceI want tobleedcrackontheconcreteblankblackcomaMy heartbeatsbeatsbeatsbeatsbeatsAnd maybe it will(stop)But even though I'm dying while I'm awakeSome part of me is able to know(i'm just having another fucking episode)Or so they tell me
Child's Playits like a bad game of hide-and-go-seek when it comes to our love
Waking Up AloneI'm sitting in the living room of a house that I have never seen before. There is a baby sitting in my lap and although I get the sense that he is not mine, we both seem content no less. I hear a car pull in the drive way and then the front door opens.He enters the room and I feel this magnetic force; as if I'm being pulled toward him and I don't mind. I greet him with a smile, "Hey, welcome home!" I feel at peace as soon I see his face; it's as if he has been gone for so long. I place the baby in the bassinet and he takes me by the hand. He pulls he in and we kiss. All of my anxieties are suddenly gone. Then I hear a loud ringing n
HeartI am a different person than ones others see me as.I am unique. I am an individual. I am me.There is nothing that can change me.I am kind. I am loyal. I am strong. I am me.I know of life's hardships, I have suffered many. I do not speak of them 'fore it burns the inner confines of my heart to remember such pains. Yet, such as I feel need to preach them. And preach them I will!Years of life under such an alcoholic 'birth-giver', indeed he gave me life, a life I wish not upon any. Mine elder blood, my sibling, lost as well. Oh, so lost. Long before I, she was. Lost with sex and drugs.. What I endured shouldn't be spoken, but it will! It
My Inner Monologue"Hey Marry?"Hmm?"My friends ditched me again..."What did they do?"Well, I don't know. They're just not... there..."And what do you supposed for me to do?"Just... I just want to tell you that... I'm glad that I have my computer with me~"Wha-"I could watch movies, play songs at full blast-"Hey Marry-"-or do research about Canada or maybe-"Marry?"-or maybe edit King Lear's script. Yup, I'm busy~ Busy, busy busy!~"MARRY!"Yes, I'm listening~"You're devastated, aren't you?"Whatever are you talking about? I'm doing just fine~"You feel left out... You thought that you've finally gained friends that you trust. You thought that for the
Black billows surround her oncBlack billows surround her once innocent mind. Fueled by fear, feeding off anxieties and spewing out hopelessness and despair out of her very soul. An innermost darkness fills the very being that has the misfortune of being consumed. The world is black and grey, no other colour of the spectrum in sight. Pebbles gradually gather up the mountain until the weight is just too much to bear. Pebble mountain, of triggers and stressors which rapidly transform into Mount Everest of turmoil. Her mind snaps like a brittle twig and the pebbles come tumbling down, crushing her body and soul. Pointy spikes of cold metal pierce into her wrists as pitches o
You don't seem to notice (my scars)-i-Years AgoHe and I were eleven when we met, the first day of the sixth grade. No particular moment served as the spark to ignite our friendship. As children do, we started talking as if we were already good friends, and were inseparable from the start.There were rumours, but we didn't understand half of the words the other kids had picked up from R-rated movies, and neither did they. We were called King and Queen by a crowd of boisterous first-graders who followed us around at recess. He joined the choir and the school play just because I did. It didn't take long before we weren't allowed to sit near each other on the school bus becau
My Serendipitous LoveI survived years of physical and emotional abuse from a controlling husband, but it was not without consequences. The trauma I experienced was incomprehensible on many levels. The road I would travel to recovery would be a long and grueling phase in my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. What I found on this road outweighed the unrelenting pain I will forever experience.-It was an unexpected chemistry that found the key to my heart; a modest reconnection which ignited an insatiable catalyst for my future. He said hello from a thousand miles away and the wall around my heart crumbled with a simple word; and yet, I felt safe for the
Sta.sh
